I'm SICK since DEC!

I got to admit I'm really in sick since last December. I used to deny and continue the life more than usual, but finally I must say I really sick, and this is not kidding.
Cause it explained why I just can't have a good and nice sleep during the nights.
Cause it explained too, my emotion just like the roller coaster, sometimes up and sometime down.
Cause it finally explained I just forced myself to be tough after the lost of beloved ones.

I, didn't even realise I myself in fact involved deeply in the depression swirl whereas I thought I'm always OK.
And now it's never too late for me to realise my own problem, I speak loudly that I'm actually not OK at all.

Pointless/Aimless is my main problem for previous months. I can't figure out the reason for human to be alive.
MONEY? STATUS? LOVE? ETC...
None of the mentioned things can seduce me at all. I just felt I'm living like a zombie.
While driving, eating, even sleeping, you're just not doing the particular thing but the mind just lost control. The mourn and melancholy are the pairs and always fill the daily life.

Well, I can't recover and I knew that's just a wrong concept. However, life is still going on and that's no way for me to call off my time.
How could I? What would I? Why should I?

Now, at this time, I'm clear to admit my sorrow and glum. It still not that bad right?
Just a moment, allowed me to be weak and to be feeble......and I promise I will getting better and better.